A reader writes:
I have three people who I have supervised for the last three years. Although I am not their official manager, I am the person who handles the bulk of their day-to-day responsibilities. I’ll call them Cordelia, Willow, and Dawn. All three are hard workers and are good at their jobs. They are also friends and the three of them often enjoy eating lunch together at one of their desks most days. Cordelia has always been kind of a big personality. She goes above and beyond at work but also in her personal life, and is busy every single weekend and most evenings. She is one of those people who just always seems to have loads of energy and opinions. I like her, but also find her a little bit exhausting. About 10 years ago (before I worked here), Cordelia had a baby who tragically passed away before his first birthday. His death was about a week after he had received several of the usual six-month infant vaccines. Cordelia has blamed his death on the vaccines and is an anti-vaxxer. She has mentioned that she was relieved that our company decided not to require Covid-19 vaccines or boosters, because she would have had to quit because she absolutely will not get any vaccines. I don’t agree with her stance, but I’m also not going to argue with a coworker about medical stuff that isn’t a core part of our jobs, and even more, I am not comfortable being overly confrontational with a grieving parent. She understandably still grows upset and cries when something reminds her of her baby. Each fall, my company arranges for flu shots to be available on site for one afternoon for employees. My first year here, I overheard Cordelia telling Willow not to get the flu shot. Willow tends to smile and nod, and then ignore Cordelia and do whatever she was planning to do, so no actual harm was done. However, I did speak to Cordelia about it and explain that she was certainly welcome to make her own healthcare decisions and not get a flu shot, but that other people were allowed to, and she couldn’t discourage them ahead of time or criticize them afterwards. I did keep a close watch on her at the time, and again last fall when flu shots were offered again, and there was no recurrence. I also checked in with Willow, who just laughed and said she got the shot every year. This felt like it was dealt with. Then Dawn shared that she is pregnant. It’s her first, and she and her husband are thrilled. It’s all really lovely and exciting. Except… You’ve almost certainly worked out where this is going. Cordelia has been telling Dawn that she needs to not give her baby any vaccinations, even if she needs to fight with her doctor about it. What is my responsibility here? Dawn is an adult, though a young one, and she has family and a doctor to help advise her. On the other hand, she seems to be listening to Cordelia on this matter. Do I speak to Cordelia again, like I did with the company offered flu shots? (This feels different.) Do I stay out of it? Do I step in? Most of these conversations are happening outside of work; I just happened to be there during a lunchtime chat where it was clear that this was an ongoing topic. I’m not sure what to do. Please advise!Yes, step in. Just as you had the standing to tell Cordelia to lay off about the flu shots, you also have the standing to tell her not to hassle coworkers about other personal health care decisions. It would be one thing if this had just been one conversation — if the topic came up and Cordelia shared her opinion and then it was dropped. But it sounds like it’s been multiple conversations, and that’s crossing a line. I suspect you’re feeling more hesitant because Cordelia had a horrible personal loss that she attributes to these specific vaccines. And again, one mention of “I wouldn’t vaccinate because …” wouldn’t be something you needed to intervene on. And if Dawn were seeking her out and asking for her opinion, that would be different. But if Cordelia is continuing to push it of her own volition, she’s in the wrong. Members of your team deserve to be able to go to work without being hassled about private medical decisions they make for themselves and their families. I’d say the same if the role were reversed — if Dawn weren’t planning to vaccinate and Cordelia kept pressuring her to, at some point that would cross a workplace line too. And just as Cordelia presumably wants colleagues to respect her medical autonomy, she needs to respect theirs. Shut it down.
